Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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