My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
