Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
