My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
