Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
