Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
