Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up backwards on a recliner
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
