So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
