Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
only you would photoshop your dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
