Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
