I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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