There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're a waste of cheezeits
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
