I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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