just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
