Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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