Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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