ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
