About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
