I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
