quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
