I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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