If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
