woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
