He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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