Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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