DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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