if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were trust falling into bushes
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