i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mom said you looked used
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize