If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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