i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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