I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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