Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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