I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
