I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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