Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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