I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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