i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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