Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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