90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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