I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
