The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
