Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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