i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
