So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
