I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize