I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
