I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
