No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
