Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
People in love make me want to vomit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
