btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
