Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My vagina just clenched in fear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize