If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
