i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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