I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
