If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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