New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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