So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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