So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!