how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We named our party play list daddy issues
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.