At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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