Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office