atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
