Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.