Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
