im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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