no, he came in my armpit
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
