I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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