Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
