Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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