No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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