u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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