Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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