i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
