Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
