I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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