My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
