bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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