conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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