I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
