What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she peed on how many people?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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