I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
