I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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