The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
