so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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