It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
