Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
