...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
