I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
