So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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