I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize